Uncle Dobry was lying under the pear, cast a shadow on the roadside. As he was nooning quietly with the herd, the shepherd heard a powerful sound, that was coming off an engine, and a second later a big shiny SUV stopped on the road.
A well-dressed young man came out the vehicle and started talking straight without any greetings.
– Grandpa, do you want me to tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your herd without numbering them and if I’m right you’ll give me one sheep?
– Well, my son, I’m all ears – Uncle Dobry said.
The young man took a laptop out from a large bag, stared at its screen for several minutes and stated:
– Here you graze 462 sheep.
– Just so, my son, now you can get one – Uncle Dobry said gently.
The young man looked around, grabbed one of the mammals and put it in the trunk.
– And now if I tell you exactly what your work is, will you get back to me what you’ve taken – said Uncle Dobry with a mild smile on his face.
– Ha, no problem – said the young man contentedly.
– You son, – said Uncle Dobry – work as an organizational development consultant!
– Ah! – exclaimed the young man surprised – That’s exactly my position. How did you know that?
– First – the shepherd said – you come without being called. Second – you’re telling me things, that I already know. And last, but no least you have no idea what you’re doing because of 462 sheep you took my only dog!
P.Petrov had just graduated from the university and with great confidence appeared in his first interview. He had passed the initial screening and now P. was waiting to meet straight with the director of the company.
He didn’t manage to sit in proposed chair when the first question was set:
– What starting salary do You expect?
– Well, about 6,000 BGN per month and percentage of company’s profits.
– Good – thoughtfully replied the director – and what about this: sixty days of paid leave, 2,5% of the company’s profit, pay participation in conferences and congresses, official Mercedes, GSM, and secretary, as well as 12 000 BGN salary?
P.Petrov tried not to show his great excitement while mumbling:
– Are You kidding, sir?
– Of course – the director replied – but You started first.
The air conditioner was tiredly spewing chill. The jet of cooled air lazily stretched around the office, reaching only the tip of dracaena, somehow warmly swing its leaves.
Just in front of the undulating plant, V.Vladimirova was busy examining her new artificial nail job. This activity always takes a long time to be done right, and she knew how to do it exactly as it should.
Today she was doing just a great job. The cluster with the new CVs supplied from candidates for that new space was already on the boss’ desk.
D.Damyanov cost long, distrait look at the pile of CVs, then he buried his hand in the sheets, pull half and threw them in the basket.
V.Vladimirova couldn’t hide her astonished gaze.
D.Damyanov looked at her and said crisply.
– Vladimirova, we don’t need tough luck people in the company, anyway. Not at all! V.Vladimirova nodded and continued to examine her nails.
Under the dracaena,
which lazily swayed.
In the factory’s workshop for machine tools was supervision by the Labor Inspectorate.
One of the inspectors approached with a folder in hand to the foreman and asked:
– How many people do work in here?
– With or without the chief of the workshop? – asked the foreman in turn.
– With the chief – said the examiner chiefly.
– Well then, with the chief here work sixteen people.
– Alright – said the inspector as thought himself – So without the chief here are working fifteen people.
– Oh no! Look, – said the foreman – without the chief nobody would work!
The view from above was spectacular, but suddenly P.Petrov realized, that he had lost. The panic seized him suddenly. He reduced the altitude of the balloon, that was floating in the air and noticed a man standing on a high mountain peak.
P.Petrov lowered further and shouted asking where he is.
– Heeey! Help! I do not know where I am, but I’ve promised to my friend, who owns the balloon to come back after an hoooour – he screamed.
– Mmm… yes – said the man below busily. You are in a hot air balloon that flies around 6 meters above this peak. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and 58 and 60 degrees west longitude.
– For God’s sake, are you an engineer or what?! – cried P.Petrov desperatly.
– You’re totally right. I’m an engineer – the man replied – How did You know?
– Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea how to use your information and actually, I’m still lost – explained P.Petrov angrily.
– And you are a manager, eh! – said the man at the top confidently.
– Yes, I’m a manager! – P.Petrov got back a little confidence in his voice, he was not just a lost man in a hot air balloon and then continued.
– I wouldn’t let You work for me even for a single day! But how did You know what I am doing for a living?
– Well, it was pretty easy. You currently don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve made a promise, that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. In fact, you are right in the same place. You were before you’ve met me, but somehow now the situation you’re in is my fault – said the engineer. Then slowly walked away.
In one cell were closed several monkeys (a team). In the cell there were boxes (resource) and a banana hanging on the ceiling (an award). One of the apes (a leader) ordered three boxes on each other, climbed on them and took the banana.
From the ceiling immediately started to frizz cold water (an involvement of top management). Monkeys fleah.
They hung new banana.
Another monkey decided to order boxes, it climbed on them and took the banana. Again the cold water started frizzing. The other monkeys beat the ape (teamwork) and the two fastest monkeys ate the banana.
They hung new banana.
“Pavlov reflex” is activated – once a monkey decides to take the banana, the others beat it because they know that everyone will be soaked (group liability) but not all of them will eat a banana.
The HR department intervened. They replaced one of the apes (development of the team). The new monkey immediately decided to take the newly hung banana but the others immediately beat her (allied culture). Gradually all monkeys have been replaced. The last new monkey decided to take the banana. The other beat it hard without knowing why – never none of the new monkeys was flooded with cold water, however, there is a presence of a collective tradition (Team Spirit).
It was lunchtime. Psychotherapists I.Ivanov and D.Draganov come out of their dark offices to enjoy the spring and the warm sunshine outside. While walking along the river, they’ve heard cries. Someone was drowning.
– This guy has a problem! – said I.Ivanov slackly.
– Yes – replied D.Draganov thoughtfully but it’s good that he’s willing to speak about it!
Have you ever been in a position to evaluate your employees?
And what are the words you are using for this purpose?
You can compare your vocabulary with this we offer here:
He is extremely skilled – “He hasn’t made a big blooper… yet”
She has unlimited potential – “She will serve until her retirement”
He has a quick thought – “He serve with plausible apologies for his mistakes”
She usually has a right judgment – “Lucky”
He is infinitely loyal – “Nobody else wants him”
She is tactful when communicating with superiors – “She knows when to shut up”
He approaches complex problems logically – “Finds someone else to do the job”
She articulates skillfully – “She can say two logically connected sentences”
He is valuable for the company – “He’s coming to work on time”
She is familiar with developments in the company – “Tattler”
He consults with superiors frequently – “Tedious”
She is very creative – “She can find seven different reasons to do anything else, but her work”
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
In modern education and government, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
– Buying a stronger whip
– Changing riders
– Threatening the horse with termination
– We claimed that we’ve always ridden this horse
– Appointing a committee to study the horse
– Visiting other sites to see how others ride dead horses
– Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included
– Increasing quality standards for riding dead horses
– Create Task-Force, to revitalize the dead horse
– Reclassifying the dead horse as “living, impaired”
– Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse
– Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed
– Attempting to mount multiple dead horses in hopes that one of them will spring to life
– Create a quality working group to find an application of dead horses
– Start making comparison between different types of dead horses
– Changing the criteria to determine when a horse died
– Explaining, that no horse can be so dead that can’t be ridden
– Find independent financing for our need of dead horses
– Initiate study to find out if there are better, faster and cheaper dead horses
– Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse’s performance.
– Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance
– Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses
– We claim, that our horse is – the quickest, the cheapest and “the deadest” of all the other horses
– Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses
– Increase the responsibility of dead horses
– Developing motivational programs for dead horses
– Restructuring to make the dead horse work in another area
– Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position
Mr.Ant was always arriving first to his workplace every day and was working tirelessly. Mr.Ant produced and was pleased.
The boss of the company, The Lion, was surprised that Mr.Ant works so well without supervision.
“If Mr.Ant produces so unattended, how much more it could produce if there’s someone under surveillance?” – The Lion thought and hired Mrs.Cockroach.
It was said that Mrs.Cockroach has extensive experience as a supervisor and that she prepares wonderful reports.
Mrs.Cockroach was hired and her first decision was to introduce access control for Mr.Ant. Then it turned out that Mrs.Cockroach was needed a secretary. And so it was, someone has to open the door and helped to draft the reports. So Mrs.Cockroach hired A Spider to deal with the archives and to control the telephone calls.
The Lion was fascinated by reports of Mrs.Cockroach and asked her to start making graphics production and trend analysis. For the purpose, Mrs.Cockroach received a computer, laser printer, scanner, and A Fly was hired to guide Informatics Department.
Mr.Ant, formerly so productive and joyful was already desperate for all the papers and dozens of meetings, where he had to fill dozens of forms, which occupied all of his time!
The Lion was dissappointed, so Mrs.Cockroach gave her boss advice to create the position of “Responsible sector” where Mr.Ant have worked.
The position was taken by A Cricket, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his desk. The new in charge – Mr.Cricket also needed a computer and an assistant (taken from the front office) to help him prepare a strategic plan to optimize performance and control the budget for the sector, where Mr.Ant was working. At this stage, Mr.Ant was no longer entertaining and was becoming angrier with each and every day.
At the same time, Mr.Cricket convinced The Lion, that it was absolutely necessary to initiate a study of the environment. And so the research was done. After examining the workload, The Lion saw that Mr.Ant’s sector was no longer as productive as before.
So The Lion hired The Owl, a well-known consultant, to carry out an audit and suggest solutions. The Owl spent three months in office and made a huge report in several volumes with the conclusion: “This enterprise has too many stuff”.
The next day Mr.Ant was fired…
B.Boyanov descended to an unfamiliar station and asked one of the pointsman.
– Are we far from the town?
– Two kilometers – said the pointsman.
– Well, couldn’t you make this station closer to town?!
– Initially, we thought… but then we’ve decided to make it next to the track!
The young painter scattered his smoothed hair and looked at the man who was stopped in front of him.
– What is the style You’re painting in? – the man asked.
– In the style of “Realism” – said the artist.
– And what is the name of this picture?
– It is called “Builders of work.”
– But why they do nothing?
– I told you already – I paint in the style of “Realism.”